Star Wars: Skeleton Crew

The Onion's Future News From The Year 2137

While other media outlets bring you news as it happens, only the Onion News Network has the power to bring you the news before it happens. In the year 2137 a catastrophe has reduced the world to a lawless wasteland — food and water are scarce, social institutions have crumbled, and a screaming, tattooed thug has been installed as the president of what remains of the United States.

Spider-Man: No Way Home

Peter Parker is unmasked and no longer able to separate his normal life from the high-stakes of being a super-hero. When he asks for help from Doctor Strange the stakes become even more dangerous, forcing him to discover what it truly means to be Spider-Man.

A Fan's Guide to Spider-Man Homecoming

Zendaya and Tom Holland give fans an exclusive behind-the-scenes look at Spider-Man Homecoming.

Spider-Man: Far From Home

Peter Parker and his friends go on a summer trip to Europe. However, they will hardly be able to rest - Peter will have to agree to help Nick Fury uncover the mystery of creatures that cause natural disasters and destruction throughout the continent.

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Following the events of Captain America: Civil War, Peter Parker, with the help of his mentor Tony Stark, tries to balance his life as an ordinary high school student in Queens, New York City, with fighting crime as his superhero alter ego Spider-Man as a new threat, the Vulture, emerges.

Thunderbolts*

After finding themselves ensnared in a death trap, seven disillusioned castoffs must embark on a dangerous mission that will force them to confront the darkest corners of their pasts.

The Old Man

Dan Chase absconded from the CIA decades ago and now lives off the grid. When an assassin arrives and tries to take Chase out, the old operative learns that to ensure his future he now must reconcile his past.

The Great Buster: A Celebration

A celebration of the life and career of one of America's most influential and celebrated filmmakers and comedians—Buster Keaton—whose singular style and fertile output during the silent era created his legacy as a true cinematic visionary.

Final Destination Bloodlines

Plagued by a violent recurring nightmare, college student Stefanie heads home to track down the one person who might be able to break the cycle and save her family from the grisly demise that inevitably awaits them all.

The Invisible Dog

Henry really wants a dog. Because of Mom’s allergies, they can’t get one, so Dad brings home an “invisible dog” (an empty cage).

Peter's To-Do List

On the eve of his departure to Europe, Peter Parker tells Ned Leeds that he has several things to do before they leave.

Spider-Man: All Roads Lead to No Way Home

JB Smoove and Martin Starr host a celebration of 20 years of "Spider-Man" movies, from the Sam Raimi trilogy to Marc Webb's movies and the trio from Jon Watts.

Wolfs

Hired to cover up a high-profile crime, a fixer soon finds his night spiralling out of control when he's forced to work with an unexpected counterpart.

Never Change!

In 2008, the graduating class of North Meadows High School had their senior year cut short due to a disastrous tornado. Now in their mid-30s, they're being forced to return home and finish high school once and for all.

Magic Valley

As one warm October day unfolds, the sleepy town of Buhl, Idaho will never be the same. A fish farmer finds his crop destroyed, a couple of kids are playing an unusual game in the sun-dappled fields, and after a wild party a sleepless teenager is harboring an awful secret….

Clown

A fake trailer for a film. A man finds a clown suit he wears for his son birthday party. But afterwards, the suit won't come off.

That '70s Show

Crank up the 8-track and flash back to a time when platform shoes and puka shells were all the rage in this hilarious retro-sitcom. For Eric, Kelso, Jackie, Hyde, Donna and Fez, a group of high school teens who spend most of their time hanging out in Eric’s basement, life in the ‘70s isn’t always so groovy. But between trying to figure out the meaning of life, avoiding their parents, and dealing with out-of-control hormones, they’ve learned one thing for sure: they’ll always get by with a little help from their friends.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Four turtles fall into the sewers and are befriended by Hamato Yoshi a Japanese man sent to New York who was forced to live in the sewers. One day he sees a strange green glow which transforms the four turtles into human-like creatures. Hamato (now Master Splinter) changes into a giant rat from the green glow and teaches the turtles the skills of the ninja as they team up with news reporter April O'Neil to battle against Yoshi's arch enemy Shredder and Krang, an alien warlord from Dimension X.

Planet of the Apes

Two astronauts and a sympathetic chimp friend are fugitives in a future Earth dominated by a civilization of humanoid apes. Based on the 1968 Planet of the Apes film and its sequels, which were inspired by the novel of the same name by Pierre Boulle.

La Femme Nikita

Nikita is a drug-addicted juvenile delinquent who was accused of killing a police officer in cold blood during an attempted robbery of a pharmacy. She is later arrested and sentenced to death by lethal injection, upon which she was secretly drugged by the government, faking her death. Nikita is then "recruited" by a secret government organization and transformed into a highly skilled assassin who cannot be traced.

The Sarah Jane Adventures

Sarah Jane Smith is a truly remarkable woman who inhabits a world of mystery, danger and wonder; a world where aliens are commonplace and the Earth is under constant threat. A world that Maria Jackson, a seemingly ordinary girl, can only dream of – until she moves in next door. Nothing will ever be ordinary again.

Masters of the Universe: Revolution

It's technology versus magic as He-Man and friends fight back against the shadowy forces of Skeletor in an epic battle for the heart of Eternia.

Star Wars: Tales of the Jedi

Journey into the lives of two distinctly different Jedi from the prequel era – Ahsoka Tano and Count Dooku. Each will be put to the test as they make choices that will define their destinies.

So Little Time

So Little Time is an American sitcom starring Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen that aired on Fox Family. The first half of the series aired from June 2, 2001, to August 15, 2001. The series then went on a four-month hiatus owing to network management changes. By December 2001, Fox Family had become ABC Family, and the remaining episodes aired until May 4, 2002.

Ultraviolet

With the growing threat of viral epidemic and the possibility of worldwide environmental catastrophe, humanity has an unprecedented ability to destroy itself, and vampires need to take control of their threatened food source. CIB, an elite government force, has been formed to combat the vampire threat. But when eternal life is offered, no one is beyond temptation...

Tomorrow and I

This series reimagines Thailand in a dystopian future where technology scrapes at the surface of old customs, exposing rips in the fabric of culture.

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir

Marinette and Adrien, two Parisian teenagers, are entrusted with powerful jewels in order to transform into superheroes Ladybug and Cat Noir. But neither hero knows the other's true identity — or that they're classmates!

The Simpsons

Set in Springfield, the average American town, the show focuses on the antics and everyday adventures of the Simpson family; Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie, as well as a virtual cast of thousands. Since the beginning, the series has been a pop culture icon, attracting hundreds of celebrities to guest star. The show has also made name for itself in its fearless satirical take on politics, media and American life in general.

Phineas and Ferb

Each day, two kindhearted suburban stepbrothers on summer vacation embark on some grand new project, which annoys their controlling sister, Candace, who tries to bust them. Meanwhile, their pet platypus plots against evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

X-Men '97

The X-Men, a band of mutants who use their uncanny gifts to protect a world that hates and fears them, are challenged like never before, forced to face a dangerous and unexpected new future.

The Bear

Carmy, a young fine-dining chef, comes home to Chicago to run his family sandwich shop. As he fights to transform the shop and himself, he works alongside a rough-around-the-edges crew that ultimately reveal themselves as his chosen family.

American Horror Story

An anthology horror drama series centering on different characters and locations, including a house with a murderous past, an asylum, a witch coven, a freak show, a hotel, a farmhouse in Roanoke, a cult, the apocalypse and a summer camp.

Ancient Aliens

Did intelligent beings from outer space visit Earth thousands of years ago? From the age of the dinosaurs to ancient Egypt, from early cave drawings to continued mass sightings in the US, each episode gives historic depth to the questions, speculations, provocative controversies, first-hand accounts and grounded theories surrounding this age old debate.

Bluey

Bluey is an inexhaustible six year-old Blue Heeler dog, who loves to play and turns everyday family life into extraordinary adventures, developing her imagination as well as her mental, physical and emotional resilience.

Malcolm in the Middle

A gifted young teen tries to survive life with his dimwitted, dysfunctional family.

The Mandalorian

After the fall of the Galactic Empire, lawlessness has spread throughout the galaxy. A lone gunfighter makes his way through the outer reaches, earning his keep as a bounty hunter.

Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Agent Phil Coulson of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division) puts together a team of agents to investigate the new, the strange and the unknown around the globe, protecting the ordinary from the extraordinary.

The View

ABC Daytime's morning chatfest, currently featuring Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Sunny Hostin, Sara Haines, Alyssa Farah Griffin, and Ana Navarro discussing the most exciting events of the day. Hot topics in the news, the best experts in their field, celebrity interviews and general entertainment are all part of The View.

Once Upon a Time

There is a town in Maine where every story book character you've ever known is trapped between two worlds, victims of a powerful curse. Only one knows the truth and only one can break the spell.

Glee

In this musical comedy, optimistic high school teacher Will Schuester tries to refuel his own passion while reinventing the high school's glee club and challenging a group of outcasts to realize their star potential as they strive to outshine their singing competition while navigating the cruel halls of McKinley High.

Dancing with the Stars

The competition sees celebrities perform choreographed dance routines which are judged by a panel of renowned ballroom experts and voted on by viewers. Enjoy sizzling salsas, sambas and spray-tans as they vie for the coveted Mirrorball Trophy.

Marvel's The Punisher

A former Marine out to punish the criminals responsible for his family's murder finds himself ensnared in a military conspiracy.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Mace Windu and other Jedi Knights lead the Grand Army of the Republic against the droid army of the Separatists.

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

Mickey and his friends Minnie, Donald, Pluto, Daisy, Goofy, Pete, Clarabelle and more go on fun and educational adventures.

Gravity Falls

Twin brother and sister Dipper and Mabel Pines are in for an unexpected adventure when they spend the summer helping their great uncle Stan run a tourist trap in the mysterious town of Gravity Falls, Oregon.

Marvel's Daredevil

Lawyer-by-day Matt Murdock uses his heightened senses from being blinded as a young boy to fight crime at night on the streets of Hell’s Kitchen as Daredevil.