Ready For My Close Up

It is almost half a century ago since Mummy's little soldier, Frankie Abbott (David Barry), was at Fenn Street School and he is now in a home, being looked after by his caregiver Agnes (Emma Dark). Frankie's nightmare begins when Agnes bares her fangs and he enters the world of vampires, lured into the graveyard by Clarissa Cobra (Caroline Munro) and meets the fearful Vera Vomit (Judy Matheson) and the vampire psychiatrist Dr Spritzer (Martin Rudman).

During a Good Friday outing from a care home, Frankie Abbott cons a giant Easter egg from a little girl in the park, and is pursued by a knife-wielding giant rabbit. He also succeeds in upsetting everyone on the outing, including Topaz, an ageing ex-stripper, who threatens to put Frankie over her knee and spank him.