Lou Holtz

A kooky waiter and sometimes vaudevillian promises to get his employer's daughter into a Broadway show. When he kidnaps the show's star, she gets her opportunity, as the understudy, to play the role and become a star herself.

Count Romansky is a newspaper columnist who specializes in romance issues. When he loses his job, he opens up a school where he instructs his pretty pupils on affairs of the heart.

Says how much he likes ballet. He wonders why the girls are always running with no one chasing them. And the male dancers are always running to the female dancers. Then he does an amalgam of nursery rhyme lines in a long dissertation.