Michael Gnat

While other media outlets bring you news as it happens, only the Onion News Network has the power to bring you the news before it happens. In the year 2137 a catastrophe has reduced the world to a lawless wasteland — food and water are scarce, social institutions have crumbled, and a screaming, tattooed thug has been installed as the president of what remains of the United States.

Off Jackson Avenue is an interwoven crime story set in New York City involving a Mexican woman who has been tricked into sex-slavery by an Albanian pimp and must find a way to break out; A Japanese hit man who is in town to do a job for the Chinese mob and must finish his assignment despite the fact that he is haunted by his recently-dead mother's ghost; And a local car-thief who must go on one last stealing spree to raise enough money to buy a tire store and go legit. A smack-bang tale of ambition, survival and fate, Off Jackson Avenue reminds us that there are still some parts of New York City that you won't find on any map.

Bobby G. lives life on the edge in this real, raw New York street drama. Bobby is a small-time coke dealer, always on the hustle but rarely successful. He lives in Hell's Kitchen with his Puerto Rican girlfriend Lucy, who makes ends meet as a prostitute. A typical day finds Bobby selling $20 bags to neighborhood locals and passing cars. A yuppie kid looking to score a kilo of coke approaches him to broker a deal and Bobby sees the opportunity of a lifetime to make some real money. His rough days may just be over. With the tidy profit he could even leave the business. Playing out of his league, Bobby arranges to get the kilo from Astro, a fearsome, high-level drug dealer. Though Lucy announces that she's decided to go back to Puerto Rico and pleads with him to make a fresh start too, Bobby is sticking to his deal and isn't going anywhere now, convinced he'll be 'livin' large in a matter a' days...