Paddy McCarney

During the run of a particularly awful interpretation of Richard III, the star, Anthony O'Malley, begins to frequent a rough pub to develop his character. He meets Barreller who he discovers owes someone he's never met a considerable sum of money. Seeing an opportunity to make some fast money, O'Malley convinces hapless extra, Tom, to meet Barreller as the debt collector.

Unimpressive, 24-year-old virgin, Eamonn (Kris Marshall) lives in Belfast with his mother, during the Troubles. Local girl, Mary Malloy (Tara O'Neil) decides that since she has probably slept with every man in town Eamonn should be next on her list. He proves to be quite a catch... and Mary gets pregnant even though she took precautions. A doctor discovers that Eamonn has a very high sperm count and, with the birth rate in Ireland decreasing, Millicent (Bronagh Gallagher) decides to hire out Eamonn to women whose husbands have been firing blanks; all with the blessing of the local Catholic church which sees it as morally better than artificial means.

Eilis is addicted to mustard. When she falls madly in love, she's sure her demons are finally banished, but when the relationship breaks down her shameful addiction to the yellow stuff returns with a vengeance.