Per Wästberg

Sara Lidman writes about the longing for children and a man. As a red thread in her diaries and letters, there is doubt about being loved for who she is. She falls in love often. Especially in the love of her life - South Africa. He is black and she is allowed to pay a high prize for her love under the apartheid regime's rags, which closes around her until she finally has to leave South Africa.

Jan and Gertrud have a sexual relationship, even though they are half siblings. Jan is an air traffic controller, while Gertrude is writing a dissertation on ferns. Jan falls in love with another woman, Jenny.