David Elliot

Kit, a troubled girl, is sent to the exclusive Blackwood boarding school, where she discovers that only four other female students have been admitted to learn the four pillars of knowledge under the ominous wing of the mysterious headmistress Madame Duret.

David’s life is on the slide: he’s broke, in the middle of a divorce and ‘can’t get it up’. His girlfriend, Alice, is his rock, but the magazine she writes for is going down and the pressure is on to find a story. While job hunting online, David stumbles across the perfect antidote to his boredom: a ‘Swingers’ site. The resulting inbox of lewd invitations on the home-laptop justifiably upsets Alice, until she realises this could be just the ‘story’ she needs. The idea of uncovering the swinging scene causes quite a stir in Alice’s office and, much to David’s chagrin, she is urged to pursue the story. Their first reluctant foray is an hysterically low-rent initiation, however, an unexpected upturn for David’s manhood is all the extra encouragement they need. As events accelerate beyond their control the once adoring couple become lost and fundamental questions are asked of their relationship.

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An unconventional love story between an antisocial teenager, a Scotsman and a five-year-old girl.